Who
How
When
The First Meeting
The sessions
Accountability
Sharing
Projects
Prayer
Progress chart
The Mentor
You are the mentor. The person you are mentoring is the 'protege' or 'disciple'
A mentor is someone who simply passes on knowlege, a skill or life experience to another person.
Spiritual mentoring is the ministry of helping another person grow in their knowlege and walk with God. It involves building a relationship with the purpose of imparting:
- Biblical knowlege
- Spiritual growth
- Ministry skill and calling
- Life and relationship skills
- Moral accountability
- Spiritual values and world view
It assumes some things about you:
- You are growing in your relationship with God
- You are an example in the areas that you are trying to mentor in
- You are further along in your walk than the person you are mentoring
You
do not have to be perfect but you do have to be an example. This is the
hidden gift of mentoring. When others are inspired by us it motivates
our own incentive to grow and remain disciplined.
How to be a mentor
The relationship
The first step is to form the relationship. In biblical times the disciple would seek out the mentor and ask to be considered as a disciple (sort of like an apprentice model). Jesus went against convention when he approached the 12 and called them to be his disciples. Whether someone approaches you or whether you approach someone, there are some principles to keep in mind when forming this relationship
Who?
Is there a mutual respect? There are two things a mentor should look for in a disciple. They need to have a hunger to grow and there needs to be a potential for influence.
Without a desire to learn and develop then the mentoring relationship involves too much pushing and the disciple will become reluctant to commit to the relationship.
There must also be a potential to influence. This means that the disciple has a natural admiration for their mentor and the mentor has somehting to offer.
Not too many. It is important that a mentor does not have too many disciples. The benefit of mentoring is in the focussed relationship and having too many obligations will dilute this focus.
Same gender only. Because of the intimacy of the relationship, it is unwise for this relationship to exist across genders. Metoring should always be men to men and women to women.
It is intentional. This relationship is not like genral pastoral care or a casual friendship. It is a relationship you both agree on and are committed to. It is not just life sharing but there are goals and things that will be expected of the disciple and mentor.
How?
Agree on the level of accountability. As the relationship grows the level of accountability will deepen. It is important that you make clear what kind of accountability questions you will ask and give the disciple permission to let you know whether the accountability is getting too deep. (e.g.Does the mentor have the right to ask personal questions?)
Decide on the purpose for the mentoring. Mentoring is often general spiritual coaching, in which case the mentor will lead the disciple through the Faith, Hope and Love journey resourced throughout this website. However some specific kinds of mentoring may include: taking someone through a brief course like Christianity explained or baptism explained or membership basics. It could be for a particular time in order to master a skill like prayer or how to witness. Or it could be support through a difficult time like a relationship breakdown or health issue. The purpose for the mentoring can be as flexible as the relationship itself.
This is not a relationship of equals. It is important to note that in this kind of relationship you as the mentor are there to provide guidance and support and not there for your own sharing and support. Keep your own struggles and doubts to yourself.
When?
There are two issues here. How often will you meet and for how long.
Decide on a frequency.
One of the great benefits of mentoring is its felxibility. You are
encouraged to be creative. Regular weekly meetings are not as common in
this relationship because a person needs time to put into practise the
things you are teaching them. two hours once a month can often be more
effective than one hour once a week. You need to decide when to
meet so that it can be easy to maintain.
Decide on the tenure. How long will this relationship go for? It is usual that a set time be applied. In the case of a specific course it is easy but with general spiritual mentoring it is best for the mentor to set a time. 6-12 months is usual. You may wish to extend that later but it is important to have some clear goals to achieve in that time.
The first meeting
Step 1. Agree on the above How and when
Step 2. Hear their story
You can learn a lot about a person by listening to their story. In particular you want to know the circumstances of their first encouter with Christ and their position of faith
Some prompting questions:
When did God become real to you?
When did God become more than just a word to you?
Tell me how you know God is real in your life?
Step 3. Decide where they are at in their growth and suggest a mentoring strategy
Listen carefully to the things they say so you can determine what might be the next step for their growth.
- Are they a new Christian? - then take them through the beginning steps
- Are they Baptised? - lead them through Baptism
- Are they a church member?
- Are they looking for ways to serve God but unsure of how to proceed?
- Have they been a Christian for a while but become weary?
- Are they facing important and difficult decisions?
Some helpful hints
Take brief notes (ask permission) including
- key growth points you think are needed
- any projects you have set for them to do
- any prayer points they have shared with you
Keep these confidentially to monitor growth over time
Don't forget to pray for them. This is a spiritual relatinship you are building
The sessions
Each session has a number of elements you will try to include
- Accountability
- life sharing
- Projects
- Prayer
Accountability
You need to check whether they have done any projects you set the last time (which is why it is important for you to record theses)
If they have completed the task or project then you need to reflect on it with them
Reflecting
It is important that you allow time for them to reflect first before you give your input. Some goals in reflecting include:
- Learning to see the good and the negative
- Honesty in evaluating ones self
- Identifying areas of improvement
- Learning how to manage correction without getting offended or depressed
Some questions to consider in reflecting:
- How did you prepare
- What did you feel went well
- What could have been improved
- If you had to do it again would you do anything different
- What was the hardest aspect of what you did
- What came the easiest for you
- What things helped or hindered you in this project
If they have failed to complete the task you need to find out why and then address the issue
Addresssing issues
Is it a matter of priority / laziness / procrastination
Re establish the importance of mentoring. Remember the time you have together is precious. It is likely that you will only have a couple of dozen meetings in a year, Each one is important. Their failure to complete a task is an insult to you and makes the meeting largely a waste of time. Point out that the goal of mentoring is growth which is life change, becoming more like Jesus
Make sure you address what is stopping them. You may have to give them a mid week reminder
Extreme
action may involve agreeing not to meet until a certain task is
complete or even discontinuing the mentoring until a later time
Is it a matter of suitability
Did you in fact set the right project. Are they ready for it. Reflect again with them the reasons why you set that project and what you hope to achieve. Modify it based on their answers.
It can sometimes be helpful approaching the same task but in a different way, so for example instead of getting them to read a certainchapter in a book you can read it with them then get them to reflect on it during the week.
General accountability
Choose some accountability questions from each area of Faith, Hope Love
You will find samples of these questions on the progress chart but you will likely develop your own as the relationship grows.
If
your mentoree fails in any of
the accountability questions it is important that you use that time to
gently correct, challenge and encourage.
Here are some responses to failure you might use:
- Tell me again why doing this/not doing this is important?
- What needs to happen to help you do better next time?
- Is there anything hindering you from success in this area?
- What do you feel God is saying in this area of your life?
Don't forget to reward diligence by celebrating good choices.
Life sharing
In this part of the mentoring session you will be encouraging them to share about how things are going in the areas of Faith, Hope and Love
You can use prompting questions to guide discussion. These are just accountability questions but more general.
Some examples:
- Tell me how things are between you and God at the moment?
- What are you worried about most in your life at the moment?
- Are there any unresoled relationship issues?